Friday, October 7, 2011

Goth or Not?

I think, if no one has come up with this concept, Goth or Not should be the new absurd meat-market website to grace the internet.  It would be just like Hot or Not only with one fairly obvious difference.  I almost got an account on Hot or Not back when I heard about it eons ago and I was hoping the internet could bolster my opinion of myself.  I have since learned two things.  First, that the internet never makes you feel better in the long run.  Second, that only I can improve my opinion of myself.

It makes me a little sad to admit that if forced to examine myself and vote Goth or Not, I would be forced to say "Not".  Out of all the subcultures I have felt an affinity with over the years, goth has certainly called to me the strongest and most consistently.  Which really says something, since I freely admit to being a genre dilettante at times.  However, though I still have my gothy little core deep inside, I just haven't been able to stick with it.

The biggest reason is fashion related.  I still listen to the music, I still love old cemeteries, and Halloween in all its grandeur and glory with forever be my favorite holiday.  The clothes and the look, however, have tripped me up again and again.  And it's mostly because of my size.  I am not a delicate woman.  I would say I am Rubenesque.  Less polite people would say I was fat.  Now, do you have any idea how hard it is to find black pants that are not dress slacks in a size 18 which are boot or flare cut?  Being the naughty minions that I know you are, you're probably laughing right now, but I'm very serious.  Now, I can find black skinny jeans in my size, but let me make something very clear to everyone reading - if you are heavy, and more so if you happen to be more hourglass or pear shaped, you should never under any circumstances wear skinny jeans.

There are other aspects of the look that don't work for me as well.  The staple of black hair is completely out.  I do not have the coloring for it, being naturally a dark blonde (or at least I was years ago before I started dyeing my hair regularly).  Also, how time intensive it can be - sure, I could probably pull off a more elegant look in my size as black skirts and blouses are easier to come by, but I'm a roll out of bed and pull on jeans and a flattering shirt type of girl.  Seventy-five percent of the time, at least.

Ah well.  It seems there is nothing to do but go catch up on Gothic Charm School and fight down my sense of despair as I fold my pile of blue jeans.