Monday, October 10, 2011

Top 5 Reasons I Hate Battlefield

In my household, it is generally agreed that video/computer games are a good thing.  My beasty is a bit of a PC Gamer Elitist, and I'm pretty firmly a Casual Console Gamer, but most of the time it's not an issue.  Besides, this just means that I can make him play all the interesting FPS's they make for the PC that I am incapable of playing because first person anything makes me nauseous.  Yes, I get motion sickness from Portal, but I still love it so.

However, one game that has never been able to win me over is the Battlefield franchise.  Not only has it not won me over, I've developed what is almost a seething hatred for it.  And today I'm going to tell you why!

1.  It's boring.  No, seriously, it is.  From a spectator's perspective, it's a damn boring game.  It's like watching guys play Halo.  I'd rather play Solitaire.

2. It doesn't inspire happiness in its players.  It is a miraculous day when my partner can go more than five minutes without screaming "God dammit!", "Fuck!", or "What the hell!?" while playing that game.  Being around that kind of rage is very stressful.

3. The self-imposed vacuum   Have you ever been in a room with someone listening to music on headphones, and every time you talk to them you have to repeat yourself five times?  Even though they keep insisting they can pay attention to you and listen to their music at the same time, it's very evident they can't.  Same concept.  My partner plays with friends, and that's fine, but that means I cease existing the minute that damn headset goes on.

4.  Douche bags online.  There are a lot of douches who play this game.  A lot.  When profanities aren't being hurled, accusations of cheating and noob-tubing are.  Dear assholes online - put down the Carl Gustav and log off, your mother would like you to shower for the first time in a week.

5.  Little sense of reward.  It is hard to step away from that game happy.  You don't save the princess or the world or even the neighborhood, and even if your team wins you'll have spent most of the round screaming at the hackers and noobs and sometimes just the game in general (aim isn't always what it should be).  There's no story, no nothing, just the same set of maps from now until oblivion.

So there you have it.  A perceptive minion will likely point out that my problem is based more around the way my partner plays the game than the game itself, but I'm fairly certain I would hate the game no matter how he or anyone else played it.  Just saying.